Rodger Stenger, Vynca Chaplain
The chaplain’s gift of presence in palliative care is a profound act of simply being with patients and families during their most vulnerable moments. This presence isn’t about offering answers or fixing pain, but about being a calm, compassionate, and nonjudgmental companion—someone who helps individuals feel seen, heard, and valued.
Chaplains accompany patients through existential pain much like Sam journeyed with Mr. Frodo in The Lord of the Rings, walking beside someone in darkness without trying to take away their burden, but refusing to abandon them. In palliative care, chaplains “dare to go into the patient’s pain” and remain present through grief, trauma, or even silence, offering empathy and steadfast presence when meaning feels lost.
This companionship is not about solving or fixing, but about enduring the journey together, honoring the patient’s struggle, and helping them find hope or meaning in the midst of suffering.
As with Sam and Frodo, the chaplain’s role is to be a trustworthy presence. Robert Dykstra, in his 1990 essay titled “The Intimate Stranger,” explored how chaplains serve as both strangers and deeply intimate companions to patients, especially in times of crisis, an “intimate stranger”- who walks with the patient through their deepest fears and existential crises, providing comfort simply by not turning away.
For families, chaplains facilitate difficult conversations, help with goodbyes, and support rituals that bring comfort and closure. For the palliative care team, the chaplain’s model of presence sets a tone of empathy, patience, and deep listening. This approach “trickles down,” encouraging all team members -nurses, doctors, social workers-to offer similar presence to patients and each other, fostering a culture of holistic, compassionate care.
While chaplains are trained in the art of presence, every team member of a palliative care team can offer this gift.
By modeling nonjudgmental support and attentive listening, chaplains inspire colleagues to slow down, listen deeply, and honor the patient’s story and dignity. This shared presence creates a therapeutic environment where healing, even at the end of life, becomes a reality.
Chaplains often willingly enter the most difficult, dark spaces --rooms filled with grief, trauma, or the silence of coma-acting as “intimate strangers.” They are both unknown and deeply present, able to accompany patients into emotional and spiritual darkness without flinching. This unique position allows them to honor grief and trauma, holding space for pain that others may find overwhelming or frightening.
Nonjudgmental presence and empathy are foundational to chaplaincy. It means accepting people as they are, without trying to change or judge them. This stance is especially powerful for those who feel shame, regret, or isolation at the end of life. Empathy-truly seeking to understand another’s experience-builds trust and allows patients to share what is most important to them.
At Vynca, our Palliative Care team’s presence is achieved contrary to what one might think about the limits of technology. Through daily Zoom calls we get to virtually sit with patients in their own homes, where they feel most comfortable and safe. Weekly we hear stories from patients suffering with cancer, MS, COPD, Renal Failure, chronic pain, fatigue and even depression, coming from extremely complex and even abusive circumstances. Our Vynca patients rapidly progress from stranger to friend to even family in many cases, all because of this powerful “gift of presence”!
So whether it is supporting a family as they say goodbye, or walking with someone who has caused harm, the chaplain’s gift of presence is a quiet, transformative force in palliative care. It honors the sacredness of each life, eases suffering, and inspires the entire care team to offer the same deep, nonjudgmental presence to all they serve.